The First Draft

"I truly do not know what the next chapter of life has in store for me, but I do know that my academic journey does not stop here. So, I kindly ask all of you to continue doing what you have done so faithfully for the last 10 years: support and love me as I navigate the next phase of my life. And when the next chapter begins to write itself, rest assured that you all will be in possession of the first draft. With love and many thanks, Francesca"

It was May 2021. Freshly graduated from UC Berkeley with (just) a Chemistry degree, music minor, and PTSD to my name, I was absolutely lost.

Lost because for the last 21 years I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to 'go to school'. Finish elementary school, then finish middle school, then finish high school, then finish college. But once I finished college I was met with an empty feeling: 'now what?'.

My chemistry degree was the hardest thing I've ever done. I think my support group around me did not realize how much I struggled through my four year degree. I failed midterms, struggled to keep my grades up with homework assignments, drowned in reading, tried to balance required lab work with extra-curricular lab work... it was chaos. I was riding the struggle bus. Not only that, but the 'grade deflation' I experienced at Berkeley had me doubting my abilities every day. I was constantly confused as to why I was there.

How could I be there if I was just getting 'average' grades on tests?

Was it normal to get a B-?

Was everyone passing with Bs? Or Cs?

The Berkley students loved to say "Cs get degrees"-- it was a way to reassure themselves that everyone was struggling, but in the end even a C meant you passed the class, and just had to keep going.

But as an A+ high school student that was not only shocking, it was absurd reasoning.

Eventually, my last two years at Cal turned out to be better. I had survived all of my weeder courses and had made my way into smaller sized classes with better professors who loved to teach, and who loved the one-on-one student-teacher relationship. I started to do well, much better than my first two years., and I loved what I was learning. I was SHOCKED to be doing well, and couldn't believe it. My self-esteem had been crushed, so doing well just seemed to be some dumb luck I had stumbled upon.

In the end, I graduated (woohoo!).

And then I had to figure out what to do next. Everyone asked: so what's the plan after graduation? The pain I felt in my heart as I said "I don't know" was equivalent to angina felt during transient ischemia (if you know, you know). I felt crushed by self doubt and was anxious about not knowing what was next..

While I had loved research, and benchwork, I was not convinced that was what I was meant to do for the rest of my life. In my fourth year at Cal, I blindly applied to medical school. When I say blindly, I mean that I applied without knowing what I needed to apply. Of course, after an ok MCAT attempt, good primaries, and good secondary applications, I was left with no offers. Rightly so.. my deflated Cal grades weren't getting me in anywhere, and I had 0 clinical experience. I was very aware that it was just a shot in the dark, and now I at least knew how the process worked, right? I could apply again next year.

But then, I went to Italy for the summer to finally have a care-free Italian vacay on the beach post-graduation. And I found out that I could go to medical school .. in Italy. Why not?

Why not?

So, just a small test, a declaration of value, and some consolate paperwork later, I found myself in Italy in October of 2021 waiting to hear if I had passed the test and had won a spot in the school of my choice. In the event that I got in, I needed to be in Rome to accept the offer in person and enroll myself immediately at the school. But, I had bought a return ticket just in case.

As it turns out, I didn't need it.

And on October 6th, 2021, I got in, enrolled, and reserved a dorm room. I was moving to Italy.

Just 6 months earlier, I had given a speech at my graduation luncheon saying that I had no idea what I was going to do next. I just asked everyone to kindly give me space as I tried to navigate the next chapter of my life.

Now, I'm three years into med school, with three more to go, and the chapter appears to be writing itself. As promised, here is the first draft.

I've created this blog as a way to document my journey up until this point, and I want to share the next three years with the people I love the most (and any stranger who expresses interest in this crazy, chaotic story). Most importantly, I want to remember that it's ok to not know what's going to happen next. I want to remind myself that sometimes you need to create your own destiny. Sometimes God leaves windows open and you not only have to spot them, you have to be brave enough to jump through them.

So, welcome to the blog! I've named the blog "The First Draft" because it's not perfect. It's raw, and just like life, it is meant to portray those once-in-a-lifetime experiences that you can't replicate. I hope you stay for the ride as I recount the crazy experiences, delicious food, and silly encounters I have on the daily.

Stay tuned!

Ciao for now,

Francesca